Category: personal

The other day I read this article from Little Lamb Studios about finding a home in your body. I’ve been thinking about the craft/DIY community lately, and how a huge part of it is making things that no one wants to sell you anyway.
I’ve spent almost my whole life in a struggle with my weight and appearance, but I know that’s not a unique experience. Most women (and some men) experience body dysphoria at some point in their lives, or throughout their whole lives. While most people would now label me as average(ish), I was much heavier at various points in my life. Finding clothes was a nightmare (still is, but for different reasons), and learning to knit was a big step forward in making things that fit me properly, that didn’t cost an arm and a leg, and that didn’t look like mass-produced circus tents. I didn’t sew then, not really, but I did knit.

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For someone who wears an awful lot of black, I certainly like zany patterns…! I got this fabric from @libertylondon last weekend and I am obsessed with it. I got 1/2 meter…any #sewing enthusiasts have ideas for me? I won't be out in any sales today, I'm taking today for some very much needed R&R.

A post shared by Angie and Sarah Gamercrafting (@gamercrafting) on Nov 25, 2016 at 9:53am PST

I moved to another country (four times), I changed my habits, I lost weight, my shape changed. (Note: I did not go on some crash diet with the intention of losing weight, I made slow, sustainable changes like eating healthier, drinking more water, and being active. Weight loss shouldn’t be the end goal, health should be. Don’t bounce into the comments here telling me about obesity as an epidemic etc etc because I assure you I’ve heard it all before and I am 500% not interested.) I still have trouble finding clothes, and a lot of that is rooted in practicality and identity.
I’ve never been comfortable in short shorts, and you know why?

CHUB. RUB.

I could go on some crash diet and lose 60 pounds, and I still wouldn’t have a thigh gap. It’s not how I’m built: I’m from the stock of farmers and pioneers, and I have LEGS. Those legs get hella angry when you subject them to high temperatures and friction. Ouch.
Whyyyy is finding knee length shorts SO IMPOSSIBLE? Yes, I’ve bought from the men’s section before, but men do not have hips. I have hips, wide ones, and by the time I find men’s shorts big enough for my hips, I could easily smuggle kilos of yarn in the legs of the shorts with all that extra room. It looks odd and unbalanced. It seems like women’s shorts are almost always waayyyy shorter than the men’s, and I’m just like,

CAN WE PLEASE GET VARIABLE INSEAM LENGTHS ON SHORTS PLEASE?

If you like short shorts, that’s awesome, truly. You do you! But I don’t want to spend my summer nursing heat rash thighs and walking like John Wayne.
And yes, I tried ordering online. I got sent IKEA short-overalls, with sewn closed buttonholes and nothing was attached. Tres bizarre, I know.

I didn't order my newest pair of dungarees from IKEA, so why have they arrived like this? pic.twitter.com/z3ZrJJgwwO

— Angelina Panozzo (@AngelinaPanozzo) June 10, 2017

And then: a Pinterest idea, a sewing machine, a friend, and some old jeans.

I’m no stranger to turning jeans into shorts, but it usually involves sloppy hacking with old scissors out of heated desperation right around now, the third week in June. I wanted something else, something that wouldn’t fray or look like garbage.
I found this tutorial on Pinterest, and I had a EUREKA moment. That eureka moment was to ask Jess from my stitch & bitch group to help me, because I am a helpless baby bird who needs constant hand holding when it comes to sewing.
Jess brought her impressively huge Mama-Jama fancypants sewing machine, since mine is garbage and won’t hold tension, and sure af will not sew through denim.

ET VOILA!!

With Jess’ help and guidance, I did an actual thing, and I didn’t mess it up! It’s like MAGIC. These shorts fit well (having been recommissioned from an old pair of jeans with fraying hems at the bottom), it let me use some of my animal print fabric that I got from Liberty last year, and it’s simple enough that I can probably attempt it again on my own with less hand holding and guidance.
I know it’s not A BIG DEAL, especially to experienced sewers, but it is to me! Seeing as I’m headed to Madrid next month, you can bet I’ll be hacking apart many pairs of jeans to be made into funky new shorts. Aw, yes.
 

Guys. Guys! I got back from Edinburgh Yarn Fest yesterday morning, and let me tell you: it was totally worth 10.5 hour bus journeys each way and the ensuing leg cramps.
I arrived on Friday morning, delirious from lack of sleep on the bus. I dropped my stuff at the Air B&B, washed my face, and off I trundled to the fest.
I had a weekend wristband, so it felt…weird…to be passing up the massive line of people waiting for day tickets. Call me aggressively polite if you must, but I still apologized to everyone I made eye contact with!
Day one I vowed not to make any purchases, so as to really think about what I wanted. I know that some go to EYF to do a major stash attack, but my stash has already been attacked recently at Unravel, and I need to focus on THE BOOK.
I found the Crochet Project stall with Kat Goldin, and bought the Shawl Project 3 book. (Get it here!) I loved the first two books: after I learned the basic crochet stitches, they taught me loads about structure and how each stitch actually works. It’s a good thing I bought it on day 1: they sold out!

I also found this natural dyed beauty from  Phileas Yarns and I fell in love. I almost never use orange yarn (with the exception of the Pumpkin Juice cowl, free pattern) because it looks awful on me. Still, I couldn’t resist these vibrant colours and the fact that some wizard managed to get colors this bright with natural dyes. Sorcery.

I went to the Friday evening party: a traditional ceilidh with a rocking Scottish band and enough food to feed a hungry water buffalo (ie me).

Day 2

Day two resulted in a couple more purchases, both were things I’d spied the day before. I found this needle gauge from The Knitting Gift Shop, and I absolutely couldn’t resist. “We had sheep yesterday but we sold out,” the vendor said. “I LOVE OWLS,” I screeched like a socially inept forest dweller who only interacts with birds of prey.

I also got this gorgeous bag from Kettle Yarn Co: I spent ages waffling about which bag I wanted (all of them) before settling on this cutey. It appeals to my inner hippie-punk. I’d live in an abandoned remote cottage if I could still do my (internet based) job: can you get high speed internet when you’re 40 miles from the nearest store? I’d probably be safe in the event of a zombie apocalypse, anyway.

On a more serious note, I met some seriously amazing people at EYF this year. In a chaotic world, it’s a special kind of respite to spend a weekend with people who are kind, creative, and collectively The Best. To those of you I met this weekend: we will meet again, because you can’t get rid of me that easily.
EYF is a celebration of community and craft, and I’m already counting down the days to next year.

You know when you have a cute little idea that spirals out of control into a huge project and you’re like, “Oh my god, what have I done?”
Yes. That.
While writing this, I am 85% terrified and 15% excited. I suspect that ratio will continue in that trend until I have most of this project pinned down.

Angie, what are you talking about?

Aha! Well, if you’d listened to the Cottage Notebook podcast a couple weeks ago, you’d know! If you didn’t, you should, because Nadia is a delightful host, I ramble incessantly about tons of stuff, and I made THE BIG ANNOUNCEMENT.
If you still want to go and listen to it, click here. It’s cool. I’ll wait.

All done? Cool, then you now know that I’m RELEASING A BOOK THIS YEAR.
Yup, you read that right. A book of geeky, nerdy knitting patterns with sizes to fit most human shaped mammals. When I say most, I mean most: I plan to have garment sizes up to US 28.

Tell me more!

The book will have between 12 and 15 patterns, and hopefully be released in autumn, just in time for you to stock up your stash and get started. There will be three large projects (ie garments) and the rest will be super cool geeky accessories, homeware, and things all geeks need, like dice bags. (Have you seen the Cthulhu dice bag pattern? IT’S FREE.)

Will any of the patterns feature GamerCrafting yarns?

If I decide to have any of the patterns feature my hand dyed yarns, it will only be one or two, and be a pattern that you can sub yarn if you want. Though I’d rather you buy my awesome hand dyed geeky yarns, I understand that if all my wildest dreams come true and the book is a WILD AND RUNAWAY SUCCESS, I might not be able to keep up with yarn demand. Unless a mysterious benefactor wants to pony up the cash for me to get a studio space.
(Side note: Dear mysterious benefactor(s),
I would love a studio space to dye yarn so I can dye more at once and also so my kitchen can return to its normal shade of “not covered in dye.” I thank you in advance.
Gratefully yours,
Angie. )

Where will I be able to get the book?

The book will be released as an ebook on Amazon, but I hope to get physical copies to sell from the Etsy shop and at any/all shows I happen to do after the book gets released. You might want a hard copy: the book will be set up as a super cute picture book style LGBT friendly “story.” The patterns will be in the second half of the book. I’m self publishing so this is all on me: designing, formatting, photography, test knitting, more formatting, getting an ISBN, the whole shebang. That all costs cold hard cash up front, so I hope no one goes “OMG WHY DO I HAVE TO *PAY* FOR THIS BOOK I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU’RE SO GREEDY, ANGIE.” I’ll be eating Ramen noodles for the first half of 2017 to get this book published, so slow your roll.
Le voila. The BIG ANNOUNCEMENT. I’m going to go frantically knit (while wincing because my wrist is still acting up), plan patterns, and try to get this thing on the road to completion. Now that I’ve written this, the ratio is now 84% terrified, 16% excited. Follow this blog on Bloglovin so you don’t miss any book updates as I start to release sneak peeks and talk about the process of working on a book without a publisher, all by myself.

Also, there was a big huge Etsy shop update with looaaadddss of new cotton yarn shades! Also again, like GamerCrafting on Facebook because I occasionally post exclusive discount codes or giveaways on there.

I’m wincing as I type this: in a bid to remind my of my inescapable, fleshy mortality, my left wrist has betrayed me.
I’m a victim of bad joints. When I was pretending to be athletic as a middle schooler on the basketball team (playing the illustrious position of “bench warmer”), I wrenched my knee and had to wear a brace for three months. I epically sprained my ankle playing freeze dance with a four-year-old and couldn’t walk for two weeks. I regularly have weird pains in my hips, shoulders, and knees.
I am no athlete, my friends. I’ll probably be one of those people who needs a knee replacement at age 35.
So last weekend when my left wrist twinged out of nowhere, I wasn’t shocked. It was business as usual: the business of having an uncooperative body and weak joints. I was surprised, however, when I woke up the next morning in considerable pain with a very stiff wrist. I had plans for last weekend: to finish a new design I’m working on, to dye more cotton yarns for next week’s massive shop update, and to swatch some new ideas.
Me being me, I decided to “push through the pain” and try to get some dyeing done anyway. (Don’t be like me, friends, I’m not very smart and make bad decisions.) Would you believe that it hurt worse after trying to lift several kilos of wet yarn with my bum wrist? You would? Oh, okay.
My wife, seeing that I was being a stubborn beast, practically had to bury me in the couch to get me to stop trying to work on things.
“Oh,” I thought, “crochet will be okay, I won’t use my wrist much with that.”

I’m apparently the queen of bad decisions.
Suffice it to say, it hurt. A lot.
And do you know what, it didn’t matter what hooks, needles, or aids I used: nothing helped. Everything hurt. The pain from the tendons in my wrist traveled up my arm to my elbow. I couldn’t sleep, either: I kept rolling over onto my wrist and waking up angry.
I felt really bereft without craft last weekend: a true emptiness in my heart. It sounds dramatic, but it’s true: I struggle to stay still and craft is how I deal with that and quiet myself. I spent all Saturday and Sunday in an epic funk, unable to do anything except sit on the couch and passively absorb television. I couldn’t even play video games, and books were too heavy (and I lost my kindle charger 6 months ago).
It made me think: what am I going to do if this is a chronic condition, like arthritis or carpal tunnel syndrome? How am I going to cope with having to ration knitting and crochet to avoid pain and further injury? The more I thought about it, the more depressed I got.

As of today, almost a week after it happened, my wrist is still not back to normal. I can only knit or crochet for about 20 minutes before pain sets in, and I’ve needed to rely on my wife for help with dyeing this week. I still don’t know what set it off, and if it doesn’t improve by early next week I’ll have to seek professional opinions.
So, crafters: does anyone have any experience with this kind of injury or condition that can give me some tips? Thank you in advance <3
Follow GamerCrafting on Facebook to keep up with new hand dyed yarns in the Etsy store, free patterns, and geeky inspiration.
(Want to know the big secret project I’m working on? I announced the big news in last week’s Cottage Notebook podcast!)